My dad, Grant Recksieck, in addition to being a terrific, beloved father, was also a funny guy, a copywriter and an advertising lifer.
I recently found some of his writing and thought that even in death he can help me with some fun content.
He died before blogs or listicles were even a thing, but he was a man ahead of his time.
This 40-year-old glossary still holds up.
Actor: The guy who can keep a straight face while reading a soap opera script
Actress: The woman who, after 17 takes, ought to be awarded both the Academy award in the purpleheart for kissing male actors, whose halitosis would topple a camel into a dead faint within seconds
Cameo appearance: A 22-minute soliloquy by a silent screen star, making her come back as Satan's mistress in a special
Cartoons: "When it comes to violence on TV we've got to draw the line somewhere ... Else"
Child actor: The 37-year-old midget trying to survive in show business by frolicking about in plush bottom trousers and high button shoes
Commercial: What you see, and hear, on the boob tube when the sound level suddenly jumps to 14,000,000 dB while you're lying there utterly defenseless and too tired to move
Contrast: Fine-tuning the Playboy channel for perfect picture quality
Director: The 26-year-old newbie sent over from the ad agency
Docudrama: A fictional dramatization of undocumented hearsay
Documentary: Undocumented hearsay carefully worded by 15 network lawyers
Evening at Pops: Visiting your father in Dayton and watching Tony Bennett belt out Ave Maria in Boston
Hiatus: What an unemployed actor takes just prior to going into the dry cleaning business
Independent TV station: The local channel that doesn't give a damn how many used car commercials you have to sit through, particularly during the last 20 minutes of the late movie
Instant replay: That which causes the TV sports audience to miss the next play, which usually turns out to be a touchdown or Home run, so now they get to see another replay of the big play they missed while watching the other replay
Local news: The police blotter dressed up with folksy chatter
Miniseries: The World Series only going four games; or conversely, One long hour of Robert Mitchum stretched into an unforgivable nine hours
National Geographic: 1500 penguins waddling around together for almost an hour at tuxedo Junction then finally scooting en masse into the ICC - to the relief of your kids, waiting to switch to a comic on Showtime
Network executive: A well-dressed extrovert who specializes in small talk
News anchorwoman: A former beauty pageant queen, well, schooled in assertiveness
News Director: The wavy hair and recently promoted TV studio floor manager, who never went to journalism school
Newspaper TV critic: The self styled Renaissance man who thinks Art Deco was Michelangelo's brother-in-law
Nielsen ratings: America's cultural Geiger counter
Nova on PBS: Secular humanism with the Big Bang getting things off to a flying start
Primetime: America's free time, for which it and its advertisers pay dearly
Producer: The guy with a terrible ear for dialogue, but a terrific grasp of economics
Public relations: Private relations consummated in a newspaper office
Public service announcement: Private enterprise airing its deep concern for the public interest, at 2 o'clock in the morning
Rating: Out of focus pornography
Radio: That strange looking clock on your parents bedroom nightstand
Religious programming: Blessed be the tithe that binds, by check or money order
Sex education: Leaving the room when your kids switched to Cable
Sportscaster: The pasty face kid with glasses who batted a knife on his little league team is now critiquing the Ruthian potential of every power hitter in professional baseball
State of the Union: The annual presidential address to Congress in the nation beat out in the ratings by any other program that's on in that time.
Supporting actor: The guy with the most talent and the biggest nose
Supporting actress: The actress adept at stealing scenes - and husbands
Thirty-second commercial: The one just before the 33rd commercial in the late night movie, and you're barely past act one
TV Guide: The publication which out sells any literary magazine in America by at least 1000 to 1
Twilight Zone: Network story conference
Weatherman: Frustrated comedian, wearing a basket of fruit on his head
